Best of Desi Jokes: Funny Texts

Showing posts with label Funny Texts. Show all posts

A Short Shayree...

Ek ladki akeli jaa rahi thi...

Ek ladka saamne se aa raha tha

Dono bilkul paas aa gaye

Ladka side ho gaya

Ladki chali gayi

MORAL: Har ladka kamina nai hote.

Officer : What Is Your Name ?
Desi Man : M P. Sir

Officer : Tell Me Properly
Desi Man : Mohan Pal Sir

Officer : Your Father's Name ?
Desi Man : M P. Sir

Officer : What Does That Mean ?
Desi Man : Manmohan Pal Sir

Obama: Osama mile to use fod do!

Gandhiji: Hinsa achchi baat nahi, chhod do!

Einstein: Samay rukta nahi to use mod do!

Manmohan: Gaaon ki unnati k liye unhe road do!

Arnold: Biceps banane ke liye unpe load do!

Bill gates: Windows ko unlock karne ke liye use code do!

ACP Pradyuman: Dekhte kya ho Daya, darwaza tod do !!

English Vs. Hindi

English and Hindi always contradict each other. Just see here some examples:

The Sooner The Better.
Jaldi Ka Kaam Shetan Ka Hota Hai.

Talk Of The Devil And The Devil Is Here.
Bari Lambi Umar Hai, Abhi Tumhari Baat Kar Rahay Thay.

Ram uploads status- "Going on long vacation with babe n bro..."
Kekai likes this!
Comments:...
... Bharat- Hv fun bro..
Sita- Yipee!!!

Between 18 and 22 a woman is like Africa… half discovered , half wild, naturally (beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 23 and 30 a woman is like America… well developed and open to trade, especially for high financed investors.

Between 31 and 45 a woman is like India… very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty

Here are some Education related songs:

SCHOOL-Apni to paatshala masti ki pathshala.

TUTION-Idhar chali mai udhar chali.

MATHS-Ajeeb dastan h yeh,kaha suru kha khatam.

SCIENCE-Aa khusi se kudkushi karle.

GEOGRAPHY- Musafir hoon yaaro.

What Happens When a Girl Put :( as her Facebook Status...

Girls Comments:

1. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! :O Kya Hua..?

2. Hey, Every Thing Okay ? Should I Call ? :(

3. Hey, Don't Be Sad. Tell Me What Happened? :/

4. Everything's Gonna Be Okay Baby, Chill :*

[ Now what happens When a Guy Put :( in his status...

l किसी व्यक्ति से यह पूछा जाना कि वह लव-मैरिज करना पसंद करेगा या अरेंज-मैरिज, कुछ वैसा ही है जैसे किसी से यह पूछा जाना कि वह ख़ुदकुशी करना पसंद करेगा या फिर क़त्ल होना ।

l शादी के बाद पुरुष अपनी गलतियाँ कभी याद नहीं रखते, क्योंकि एक ही बात को दो लोगों के याद रखने का कोई मतलब नहीं है ।

GIRL:

G – Gussa hamesha naak pe
I – Innocent sirf shakal se
R – Rone ki automatic machine
L – Ladai mein sabki naani.

BOYS:

B - Badmashiyon mein sab se Aage.
O - Ollu Ki Tarah raat mein Jaage.
Y - Yaarian Nibhate Jaan Laga Ke.
S - Shareef Sirf Maa Baap ke Aage.

Some Modern Desi Definitions

Dimag: Vicharo ki factory.

School: 5 hrs ki jail

College: Yuvao ka bagicha

Professor: 1 hour ka radio

Lawyer: Paaglo ka anubhavi

कई सालों की रिसर्च के बाद,

तमाम दुनिया के डॉक्टर,

इस नतीजे पर पहुंचे हैं कि

जुकाम के लिए सबसे बेहतरीन चीज़ -

One of our clever sardar's argument on why motorcycles are better than a woman:

1. Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles.

2. Motorcycles' curves never sag.

3. Motorcycles last longer.

4. Motorcycles don't get pregnant.

5. You can ride a Motorcycle any time of the month.

A for apple
B for bada apple
C for chhota apple
D for dusra apple
E for ek aur apple
F for fokat ka apple
G for gol apple
H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?

Here are some funny brain teasers. Try to your best.

What is the easiest way to throw a ball, have it stop, and completely reverse direction after traveling a short distance?
What is at the beginning of eternity, the end of time, the beginning of every end, and the end of every place? When things go wrong, what can you always count on?
What is always behind you but you can never touch it?
I am never the first to speak but I am always the last to be heard. Who am I?
We were born of the same mother, on the same day, at the same hour and in the same year. Yet we are not twins. How do you explain this?
Two fathers and two sons were seated round a table. There were four apples on the table. Each of them took one apple and ate it entirely yet there was still one apple left on the table. How was this possible?
Before Mount Everest was discovered which was the highest mountain in the world?
Here everything is not always in order. For example, Friday comes before Thursday, the cart comes before the horse, the driver comes before the employer. Where are we?
When I am alive I stay put where I am. It is only when I am dead that I move about here and there. Who am I?
How can you be behind a person when that person is also behind you?

Answers below:

Question 1.. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

Question 2 : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!

एक सफ़ेद बिल्ली पानी में गिर गई,

तो पास बैठी काली बिल्ली क्या बोलेगी ?

***

सोचो …

***

A Bhai wants to marry so he published a Matrimony Ad in local newspaper. See what he has written:

Salam,

Apun Pakia!!! Umar 30 saal, wajan 80 killo aur 6 phoot height kya! Abhi woh bole to kya hai na ki apun ko bhi life me settle hone ka maangta, isi liye yeah advertisement apun paper me chaap re la hai...

Maanta hai apun Tapori hai bahut log ka pungi bajayela hai magar kya hai naa apun ka bhi ijjat hai baap markit me!!! apun ko public bhai bolati hai woh bhi ijjat se!

Saaal ka 5/6 peti to apun aaram se kama leta hai...

एक बोध कथा (ये जोक नही हैं)

जीवन में जब सब कुछ एक साथ और जल्दी-जल्दी करने की इच्छा होती है, सब कुछ तेजी से पा लेने की इच्छा होती है, और हमें लगने लगता है कि दिन के चौबीस घंटे भी कम पड़ते हैं, उस समय ये बोध कथा, "काँच की बरनी और दो कप चाय " हमें याद आती है ।

दर्शनशास्त्र के एक प्रोफ़ेसर कक्षा में आये और उन्होंने छात्रों से कहा कि वे आज जीवन का एक महत्वपूर्ण पाठ पढाने वाले हैं ...

उन्होंने अपने साथ लाई एक काँच की बडी़ बरनी (जार) टेबल पर रखा और उसमें टेबल टेनिस की गेंदें डालने लगे और तब तक डालते रहे जब तक कि उसमें एक भी गेंद समाने की जगह नहीं बची ... उन्होंने छात्रों से पूछा - क्या बरनी पूरी भर गई

हाँ ... आवाज आई ...

फ़िर प्रोफ़ेसर साहब ने छोटे - छोटे कंकर उसमें भरने शुरु किये । धीरे - धीरे बरनी को हिलाया तो काफ़ी सारे कंकर उसमें जहाँ जगह खाली थी, समा गये,

What is Confidence, Trust and Hope?

CONFIDENCE
Once, all village people decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all people gathered and only one boy came with an umbrella.
That's Confidence

TRUST
Trust should be like the feeling of a one year old baby when you throw him in the air, he laughs...... because he knows you will catch him.
That's Trust

HOPE
Every night we go to bed, we have no assurance to get up alive in the next morning but still you have plans for the coming day.
That's Hope