Bollywood Actress to the doctor

A famous Bollywood actress came back to Doctor and complained, "Doctor, last time you did my abortion, you forgot your sharp blade inside of me,"

Doctor "Oh I am sorry, did it hurt you?"

Actress, "No but my eight friends went impotent, ten of them lost their fingers, and four of them went dumb."

A Smart Student!!

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students by the name of Bibek.

The teacher asked, "Bibek, what is your problem?"

Bibek answered, "I am too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in the third grade and I am smarter than she is! I think I should be in third grade too."

Teacher had enough. She took Bibek to the principal's office.

While Bibek waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told the teacher that he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. She agreed.

Bibek was brought in and the conditions explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Bibek : "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6 ?"
Bibek : "36."

Taxi Driver

A woman and her ten-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Mumbai.It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under the awnings.

"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.

The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have s*x with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, Mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"

"Most of them become taxi drivers," she said.

Some Adult Jokes

Why did Shahid and Kareena break up?
Because she wanted to have Saif Sex !

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Mother found a condom in daughter's cupboard. She went straight to her n asked: What is this?
Girl: To aap kya chahti hain, main is umar mein Maa ban jaaun?!

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Lady: What is a good time for Sex?
Doctor: In the afternon between 2 to 4.
Lady: Why ?
Dr: The compounder will not be here...

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Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When you are not responsible for both!

You Must Be a Dentist

A guy and a girl met at a bar in Mumbai. They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink.

A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands. He then took off his socks and washed his hands. The girl looked at him and says: 'You must be a dentist!'

Flabbergasted, the guy responded 'Yes, that's amazing how did you figure that out ?'

The girl said: 'Easy .... you keep washing your hands'

One thing led to another, they migrated to the bed and things became more passionate. After they were done, the girl said: 'You must be a GREAT dentist!'

The guy was very very surprised, and said 'Yes, I sure am a great dentist ... How did you figure that out??'

The girl said: 'Easy ... I didn't feel a thing'

Biscuit Tin Method

At Kolkata writers’ building staff room, ladies are busy gossiping. Topic is family planning method employed by them.

First one: We use Nirodh. We don’t like it at all. My husband says it’s like having bath over one’s raincoat. I too don’t like it.

Second one: I take the pills. I hate the vomiting feeling it causes in the mornings and I don’t like it.

Third one: I use the loop and the fear that it might slip keeps me on tenterhooks. I don’t like it at all.

The fourth, a tall stoic lady knitting a sweater is obviously quite satisfied with her method but doesn’t want to reveal. The others accuse her of being nasty and she corrects them. “Our method is somewhat crude and needs a bit of explaining. As you know I am tall. My husband is quite short. We always do it standing. In order to reach me he climbs over an old Britannia tin we have at home. I know when he is about to ‘come’. I kick the tin.”

New car model LAURA

Skoda recently launched a new car model LAURA.

All drivers are having a tough time when their Memsahibs say: Driver Laura Nikalo!

AIDS Virus

There was a German, an Italian and our Santa on death row. The warden gave them a choice

of three ways to die:

To be shot
To be hung
To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

The German said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly.)

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)

Then Banta said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff."

They gave him the shot, and Banta fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and

wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then Banta said, "Give me another one of those shots." So the guards did. Now he was

laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

Banta replied, "You guys are so stupid..... I'm wearing a condom!"

Will Power

At 33 he quit smoking - will power

At 43 he quit Drinking - will power

At 53 he quit Gambling - will power

At 63 he quit S*X - Power Failure

Nacked Statue

Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran into each other later the first old lady said to the second, "Are baf re! Kya tumne wo admi ka nanga statue dekha?"

The second old lady replied, "Han Jee! Mai to behos ho gayee! Wo log aisi cheej ko kaise dikha sakte hai! Ui maa! uska wo ...... kitna lamba tha!"

The first old lady accidentally blurted out, "...Ha, aur thanda bhi!"

LADKE SE HI PAISE Q

BOY: SEX ME DONO KO MAZA AATAHAI...FIR LADKE SE HI PAISE Q ??

CALL GIRL: BEWKUF, CHARGE OUTGOING PAR HI LAGTA HAI.. INCOMONG PAR NAHI.

DIFFERENT PHASES OF SEX LIFE

AGE 20 - DIN RAAT,

AGE 28 - ROZ RAAT,

AGE 38 - JUMME RAAT,

AGE 48 - CHAND RAAT,

AGE 58 - ONLY JAZBAAT,

AGE 68 - GALAT BAAT...   

Jokes on Mallika Sherawat

Once a Father asked to his son “Do u know who is Sania Mirza”

Son reply “Tennis Player”

Second ques from Father “Do u know who is Mallika Sherawat? ”

Son Reply “Penis Player”



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Mallika Sherawat ke marne ke baad uski kabr parr likha hoga – “Bechari Pehli baar akeli soyi hai”



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Mallika Sherawat ko airport customs counter par check karte huye pucha “Matchbox me kya hai?”

Mallika Sherawat ne jawab diya “Pareshan mat karo. Is me mere kapde hain, aur kya?



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Reporter say to mallika-subah uuth ke sabse pahle aap kya karti hai.?

Mallika reply- subah uthkar sabse pahle main apne ghar chali jati hoon



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On KBC Mallika was on HotSeat,

AMITABH :-Mallika,What you like most in KBC?

Mallika: Fastest finger first



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What is Mallika Sherawat’s method of taking revenge?

It’s tits for tat



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Mallika says to Emran Hashmi…. chahe dunia jitni bhi kare hamare pyar ki birodh, hamare pyar ki raksha karegi super deluxe nirodh..



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Mallika sherawat’s patriotic song :

“ab tumhare hawale badan sathiyo…”



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Birthday wish to Birth day boys :

Ishwar kare Hardin Aapki khushiyan Petrol Ke bhav ki badhe, aur aapke gum Mallika Seravat ke Kapdon ki tarah ghaten.



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Which are the two countries Mallika Sherawat would like to go on a vacation?

Bra’zil and Thai’land



Note: Jokes are just jokes otherwise I love Mallika very much. She is the boldest and the beautiful. Longlive Mallika!!

Bas Ek Chota sa Business...

A little girl asked a Call Girl: Aunty you have bungalow, cars, cash balance..

What is ur business!

Call Girl: Bas ek Chota sa "Hole Sale" ka business hai.   

Indian boy’s first day in an American school

It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrasekhar Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death”? She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775″ he said.

“Very good!” Who said “Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?” Again, no response except from Chandrashekhar. “Abraham Lincoln, 1863″ said Chandrashekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper: “F**k the Indians, Who said that?” she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.. “General Custer, 1862.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”

The teacher glares around and asks “All right! Now, who said that?”

Again, Chandrasekhar says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? S*ck this!”

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, ” Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said “You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001.”

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re f**ked!”

And Chandrasekhar said quietly, “George Bush, Iraq, 2005

Some Desi Facts

Q: Why is Delhi a male city (Maha Nagar) and Bombay a female city (Maha Nagri)?
A: Because Delhi has Qutab Minar and Bombay has Gateway of India.

Q: What does INTERNET stand for?
A: Indians Networking To Ensure Raillery Now En Then.

Q: What do you call a smart Indian?
A: Indigenious.

Q: Why is India a banana republic?
A: Because the politicians keeps chanting, "Hame ye banana hai, wo banana hai!

Business Going Down

Husband: Business is going down, if u learn 2 cook we can remove bawarchi.

Wife: Abe GHONCHU, if u learn FUCKING, we can remove driver, guard, mali & dhobi too.

Wonderful Tattoos

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of firecrackers on her right thigh, right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put 'Happy Diwali' under the firecrackers.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.

The woman then instructs him to put a tattoo of buckets of water with 'Happy Holi' up on her left thigh.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.

As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says, 'If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?'

She said, 'I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Diwali and Holi.'

What is confidence?

10 boy decide to purpose a girl,

9 ladke came with rose, ek ladka came with condom!!

Thats the perfect confidence!!

Dirty Mind

What is the sexiest thing between men's two legs??
????????????????
????????????????
You dirtymind.. It's "Bajaj Pulser"

***** *****

In which place all the people have curly hair??
............Guess............. Guess.............
............Guess............. Guess.............
............Guess............. Guess.............
You DirtyMind!! Its in Africa.