Miya aur Bibi kahi jaa rahe the. Raste me ek fakir ne toka..
Beggar : " Oh sundari, andha hoon, sawa paanch rupya de de.."
Bibi confused ho gayi aur apne pati ko dekhne lagi. Is pe husband bola, "De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola hai to har haal mei yeh andha hai.."
Aishwarya Rai & Ant
Aishwarya Rai was shooting for coke, At the break she was having a coke standing under a tree .A male ant and his son were just near the edge of the tree branch.
By mistake the ant son fell into her coke bottle. The father ant went and said something to Aishwarya and she fainted and fell down unconscious.
What did the ant said??
.....
.....
.....
.....
Ant said "Tere coke mein mere baccha hai"
Black Ants
Once all the black ants go in large numbers in a procession down the hill. Two ants standing on top of the other hill are in conversation.1st ant: Arrey yaar just see down,all the ants are black and what is that one ant in white colour?
2nd ant: Arrey mamu its a widow ant yaar. Safed sadi phehni hui hai!
Phone ki Ganti
Phone ki ganti baji..Santa: Phone mere liye ho toh kehna mein ghar pe nahi hoon.
Jasmeet, phone uthane ke baad: Wo ghar pe hain.
Santa : Maine mana kiya tha ke…
Jasmeet : Phone mere liye tha!
Blood Group
Ek bar ek aadmi apni bibi ke saath Doctor ke yeha chala gaya.Check-up ke dauran Doctor ne puchha: App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Patient Bola: Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....
Free Gift
Women enters shop shouts, "Where is my free gift with this oil?"
Shopkeeper: "Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai madam?"
Women : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTEROL FREE.
Shopkeeper: "Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai madam?"
Women : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTEROL FREE.
Ferrari From India
Find the difference between Ferrari from Italy and India. Don't forget to increase your computer's volume while viewing this funny PowerPoint:
Download
Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai
Gabbar : Kitne admi they?
Sambha : Sardar 2
Gabbar : Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba : Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar : Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba : 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar : To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba : Beech mein koi nahi aata
Gabbar : To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba : 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar : 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba : 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar : Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba : Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do..
7 Up
This happened to an American visitor in Madras. In his hotel room he picked up the telephone one night and asked for a 7-up.The switchboard operator answered in his best English, "7-up? Yes, sir."
The cold drink never arrived, but the next morning the tourist was woken up punctually at seven o clock..
An American Writer
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.
So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read “$10,000 per call”.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. ”O.K., thank you,” said the American.
He then traveled to Russia, Germany, France, Sri Lanka and Pakistan.
In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same “$10,000 per call” sign under it.
Finally he thought he would stop by at India to see if they have the same phone there as well.
He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read “One Rupee per call.”
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
“Father, I’ve traveled all over the world and I’ve seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I’m told that it is a direct line to Heaven and so it was priced at $10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?”
The priest smiled and answered, “You’re in India now, son - it’s just a local call”.
So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read “$10,000 per call”.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. ”O.K., thank you,” said the American.
He then traveled to Russia, Germany, France, Sri Lanka and Pakistan.
In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same “$10,000 per call” sign under it.
Finally he thought he would stop by at India to see if they have the same phone there as well.
He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read “One Rupee per call.”
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
“Father, I’ve traveled all over the world and I’ve seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I’m told that it is a direct line to Heaven and so it was priced at $10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?”
The priest smiled and answered, “You’re in India now, son - it’s just a local call”.
New rules from ICC
(1) Ricky Ponting – (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE.(2) While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 meter distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.
(3) While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out FOUR TIMES (minimum) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.
(4) UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.
(5) All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about all players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as RACIALISM only.
(6) MATCH REFREE decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM advices only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be considered for hearing. MATCH REFREES are to be given huge bonus if this rule is implemented.
(7) NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of CRICKET is maintained.
(8) THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING - “THE UNDISPUTED CRICKETER WITH INTEGTIRY IN THE GAME OF CRICKET” more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to ensure that the best batsman/Captain will be played to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET.
These rules will clarify better to the all the teams VISITING AUSTRALIA.
Some other important points to be noted down
When u r going out 4 the toss with Mr Integrity plz check both sides of the coin. Who knows Mr Integrity might have fixed that as well.
When an aussie cheater is out don’t appeal 2 their team members standing near the stump & square leg. They are blind as a bat & deaf as a door post & as biased as a mother. Instead appeal 2 the cheater oops batsman himself by pleading with him.Spend some of the endorsement money 2 buy expensive & cutting edge home theatre system surround sound/dts et all. Mayb then the 12th & 13th man of the oz team & their holier than thou media might I repeat might c or hear a nick. it’s a 1000 in a 1 shot but still worth trying.
Sachin must share his fairy angel’s name with Gangs & dravid. coz shockingly Sachin has survived thru out this series without any blessings frm the 12th & 13th men unlike his previous series. so mayb his prayers aft 2003 series were strong enuf 2 protect him this time around.
Indian batsmen plz plz plz don’t even touch the ball with ur bat. Just stand their smiling leaving all the balls. coz if it hits the ball either u ll b adjudged caught behind or lbw. also don’t come out of the crease coz u ll b adjudged stumped or run out.
Last of all instruct all ur bowlers/fielders not 2 appeal even if its clean bowled or caught near the boundary. Just turn around & start bowling the next ball. If the umpire taps the bowler on the shoulder & says son that’s out register shock & incredulity & ask him 2 confirm with Mr Integrity if that was really out!
Lalu Ke Piche Kutta
Ek bar Laloo kahi jaa rahe the..Raste me unke piche kuute ka bacha pad gaya.
Lalu bola"Hum to Airtel ka card dalwa hoon phir sasuri e hutch ka network kaise pakad raha hain..........."
Laloo's Son Marriage
Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."
This is how business is done!!!
Intelligent Sardar
Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father." Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent. "
Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father, "Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was atl east twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??"
The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."
"No son, that's because you are intelligent. "
Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father, "Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was atl east twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??"
The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."
Kutte Kamine..
See this SMS which one of my fren received:
Kutte,
Kamine
Matlabi
Dhokebaz
Ullu ke pathhe
Besharam
Jhute
Tuchha Prani
Nirlajj
Kapti
... in sabhi tarah k insano se sada dur rehana Mere Dost!
Kutte,
Kamine
Matlabi
Dhokebaz
Ullu ke pathhe
Besharam
Jhute
Tuchha Prani
Nirlajj
Kapti
... in sabhi tarah k insano se sada dur rehana Mere Dost!
Original Bollywood Plots
Two friends play cops and robbers as kids, and while one grows up to be a honest and upright cop, the other also grows up to be a honest upright cop!
A poor young man falls in love with a beautiful and very rich girl and when they approach the wealthy, arrogant and powerful father he happily gets them married!
Twins separated in a crowded mela grow up in separate towns, doing different jobs, marrying and having children, without ever meeting again!
Two very close friends fall in love with the same girl and in the touching climax both offer to sacrifice their love for the other and the girl finally declares that she's a lesbian and decides to live-in with a girl she's been seeing secretly!
Two young students in the same class in college manage to fall in love with each other without singing any songs in locations in Europe and without any attempt being made to rape the heroine by the local bully. They get married, have nine kids and live happily everafter!
The angry young man, who's mother, sister, brother and kids are killed by the big-time goon, decides to take revenge and reports this to the police who nab and punish the criminal!
A poor young man falls in love with a beautiful and very rich girl and when they approach the wealthy, arrogant and powerful father he happily gets them married!
Twins separated in a crowded mela grow up in separate towns, doing different jobs, marrying and having children, without ever meeting again!
Two very close friends fall in love with the same girl and in the touching climax both offer to sacrifice their love for the other and the girl finally declares that she's a lesbian and decides to live-in with a girl she's been seeing secretly!
Two young students in the same class in college manage to fall in love with each other without singing any songs in locations in Europe and without any attempt being made to rape the heroine by the local bully. They get married, have nine kids and live happily everafter!
The angry young man, who's mother, sister, brother and kids are killed by the big-time goon, decides to take revenge and reports this to the police who nab and punish the criminal!
If Indian Stars Were at Hollywood
If our Bollywood Stars were at Hollywood then this could have been the scenario:
Santa and Banta
Banta Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission).
Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's saree.
He asked her "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph."
The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.
He was surprised to see Santa Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse condition. Banta explained what happened to him.
He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel.
So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.
The Owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can't allow you to stay."
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.
The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay."
He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up" Daughters?".
The Owner asked,"WHY?????????"
Santa replied,"I wanted to stay here for a night....." The rest is history.कुत्ता बिकाऊ है...
एक दुकान के बाहर लिखा था: 'इन्सानों की तरह बात करने वाला कुत्ता बिकाऊ है.'एक आदमी दुकानदार से जाकर बोला: 'मैं उस कुत्ते को देखना चाहता हूं...' दुकानदार ने कहा: 'साथ के कमरे में बैठा है, जा कर मिल लो।'
ग्राहक उस कमरे में गया। कुर्सी पर एक हट्टा-कट्टा कुत्ता बैठा था. पूछा: 'क्यों भई, तुम यहां क्या कर रहे हो?'
कुत्ते ने बताया: 'कर तो मैं बहुत कुछ सकता हूं, लेकिन आजकल इस दुकान की रखवाली करता हूं. इससे पहले अमेरिका के जासूसी महकमे में काम करता था और कई खूंखार आतंकवादियों को पकड़वाया... फिर मैं इंग्लैंड चला गया जहां पुलिस के लिए मुखबरी करता था. एक साल बाद यहां आ गया.'
उस आदमी ने दुकानदार से पूछा: 'इतने गुणवान कुत्ते को आप बेचना क्यों चाहते हैं?'
'अव्वल नम्बर का झूठा है, 'जवाब मिला.
माँ और बेटी
1980 के दशक में लड़की- माँ मैं जीन्स पहनूंगी...मां- नहीं बेटी, लोग क्या कहेंगे?
2008 के दशक में लड़की- मां मैं मिनी स्कर्ट पहनूंगी...
मां- पहन ले बेटी... कुछ तो पहन ले!!!
तुम्हारा कोई रिश्तेदार नहीं है?
जेल मे एक कैदी ने दूसरे कैदी से पूछा, "तुमसे कोई मिलने क्यों नहीं आता? क्या तुम्हारा कोई रिश्तेदार नहीं है?"
दूसरे कैदी ने जवाब मे कहा, " बहुत हैं पर सारे इसी जेल में हैं."
दूसरे कैदी ने जवाब मे कहा, " बहुत हैं पर सारे इसी जेल में हैं."
शिवजी और तपस्वी
एक बार एक आदमी ने बड़ी तपस्या की . शिवजी खुश हुए . .प्रकट हुए .बोले ..पुत्तर मांग माँग.. क्या चाहिऐ तुझे ! भक्त उठा… बोला शिवजी मुझे तो आप सिर्फ एक गीटार दे दो ! शिवजी बोले कैसा गधा है ? उन्होने कहा पुत्तर तुने बड़ी अच्छी तपस्या की है .कुछ बडा माँग! वो फिर बोला नही जी मुझे तो आप गीटार ही दो ! शिवजी ने फिर समझाया अबे कुछ ढंग का माँग ! पर वो तो अडा ही हुआ था . बोला , नही आप तो मुझे गिटार ही दो ! शिवजी उसके पाँव में गिर गए, बोले यार तू कुछ और माँग . गिटार न माँग ..वो बोला नै नै नै !! मुझे सिर्फ गिटार ही चाहिऐ . अब शिवजी गुस्से में आ गए ..बोले , अबे अगर मेरे पास गीटार होता तो मैं ये डमरू क्यो बजाता फिरता ???
Bollywood Movies made by IT Engineers
Some Film titles may be like these : --
** Munna Bhi MCSA
** Kal MSN Ho Na Ho
** Love in mIRC
** Tere Nick
** ID Mil Gaya
** Chat To Kero
** Ek Programmer Thi
** Yeh Hack Horaha Hai
** Hum Pyar PC Se Kar Baithe
** Network Ke Us Paar
** Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
** Aao Chat Kare
** C Wale Job Le Jayenge
** Programmer No.1
** Mera Naam Developer
** Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein
** Do Processor, Baarah Terminal
** Tera Code Chal Gaya
** Har Din Jo Mail Karega
** Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
** Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehatha Hai
** Raju Ban Gaya MCSE ..!
** Client Ek Numbari, C Programmer Dus Numbari
** Login Karo Sajana
** Naukar PC Ka
** 1942 -- A Bug Story
** Kaho Na Virus Hai
** Crash Se Crash Tak
** Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
** Shaheed Hacker Singh
** Password De Ke Dekho
** Terminal Apna , Login Parayi
** Mr. Network Lal
** Terminal Sajaake Rakhna
** Hackers Ka Raja, Debuggers Ki Rani
** Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Kartha
** Phir Theri Java-script Yaad Aayi
** Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!!
** Munna Bhi MCSA
** Kal MSN Ho Na Ho
** Love in mIRC
** Tere Nick
** ID Mil Gaya
** Chat To Kero
** Ek Programmer Thi
** Yeh Hack Horaha Hai
** Hum Pyar PC Se Kar Baithe
** Network Ke Us Paar
** Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
** Aao Chat Kare
** C Wale Job Le Jayenge
** Programmer No.1
** Mera Naam Developer
** Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein
** Do Processor, Baarah Terminal
** Tera Code Chal Gaya
** Har Din Jo Mail Karega
** Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
** Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehatha Hai
** Raju Ban Gaya MCSE ..!
** Client Ek Numbari, C Programmer Dus Numbari
** Login Karo Sajana
** Naukar PC Ka
** 1942 -- A Bug Story
** Kaho Na Virus Hai
** Crash Se Crash Tak
** Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
** Shaheed Hacker Singh
** Password De Ke Dekho
** Terminal Apna , Login Parayi
** Mr. Network Lal
** Terminal Sajaake Rakhna
** Hackers Ka Raja, Debuggers Ki Rani
** Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Kartha
** Phir Theri Java-script Yaad Aayi
** Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!!
Business Going Down
Husband: Business is going down, if u learn 2 cook we can remove bawarchi.
Wife: Abe GHONCHU, if u learn FUCKING, we can remove driver, guard, mali & dhobi too.
Wife: Abe GHONCHU, if u learn FUCKING, we can remove driver, guard, mali & dhobi too.
Cricket and Divorce
DIVORCE COURT SCENE :
The Judge (J.) asks the little girl (LG):
Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?
LG - No, my mummy beats me.
J. - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
LG - No, my daddy beats me too.
J. - Well then, who do you want to live with?
LG - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat anybody !!!
The Judge (J.) asks the little girl (LG):
Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?
LG - No, my mummy beats me.
J. - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
LG - No, my daddy beats me too.
J. - Well then, who do you want to live with?
LG - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat anybody !!!
Indian Cricket Team Questions
What is the height of optimism ?
Ganguly coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.
What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Indian Innings.
Where do Indian batsmen perform there best?
In Advertisements.
When would ganguly have 100 runs against his name?
When he is bowling.
Mayawati came to Lalu’s house
Mayawati came to Lalu’s house with a goat…Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun layi ho?
Maya : Dikhta nahi, goatwa hai.
Lalu : Hum goatwa se hi puch raha hu!!!
Elephant and Ant had Accident
An elephant and an ant was riding a bike the had an accident and the elephant got hurt but the ant didn't. why?
Kyoki wo Helmet pahan raha tha. But still the ant went to the hospital. why?
Elephant ko Blood Donate karne ke liye.
Kyoki wo Helmet pahan raha tha. But still the ant went to the hospital. why?
Elephant ko Blood Donate karne ke liye.
Mistakes in Bollywood Films
Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam:1) Amitabh is using the Nokia communicator in 1992 whereas Nokia itself launched it from 1998 onwards. May be he is a secret test dummy for Nokia!
2) Amitabh singing "aye kya bolti tu" in Diwali of 1992 whereas the song was released in 1997 in the movie Ghulam. Guess he has esp.
3) But The Mother Of All Flaws In The Movie K3G is when Hrithik is kid he has 10 fingers...when he grows up he has Eleven
4) Last ball of the cricket match. 1 ball and 6 runs needed. Guess what, the ball is shining and unused !!
5) The fatso Laddu turns into Hrithik 10 years later, however Shahrukh, Kajol, Dadi, Nani and Johny Lever are the same after 10 years!!
Q: What will a drunkard say after seeing the movie? A: Kabhi Whiskey Kabhie Rum
Pyar To Hona Hi Tha
Kajol gets off the train to use the public toilet at the railway station and the train chugs off without her. Poor girl, little did she know that every train compartment has four toilets inside.
Rangeela
Aamir Khan tells his friend that he will take Urmila Matondkar for a Chinese meal. Strangely when they are in the restaurant, Aamir Khan orders usal pav etc. What's happened to the noodle & chowmein?
Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi
Akshay Kumar boards a Jet Airways flight to America. Well well - some promotion for our Indian Jet Airways - since when did they start flying abroad?
Raja Hindustani
Navneet Nishan has a short hair before marriage. But after tying the knot, overnight she acquires waist-length hair. What a hair raising experience!!
Raja
Dilip Tahil empties a can of petrol over Madhuri. Minutes later, Sanjay Kapoor takes the same can and pours it over Dilip Tahil. That's what I call a autofill!
Guddu
Manisha & Shahrukh are seen hanging on a parachute during a song. But when the song ends, they land down on the Glider. What a switch above sea level!
Jung
Rambha files a case against Ajay Devgan accusing him of rape and produces 3 photographs to prove her claim. However in the three photos, she's wearing three different dresses. So I guess it must be a fashion show cum rape going on!!
Tere Mere Sapne
Priya Gill is doing her B.A. But at the bus stop, she is carrying her electrical technology thesis by B.L.Theraja. What an electrifying interest.
Kyun Ho Gaya Na!
In the film Kyun Ho Gaya Na! there is scene where Vivek hands over his peice of necklace charm to Aish but in the next scene afte that one Vivek is wearing the necklace charm again on his neck.
Bollywood and Bill Clinton
Clinton arrives in Mumbai and he gets so impressed by Bollywood. He wants to be in Hindi movies and he starts dreaming..Bill was in the Oval office and he started singing "Yeh Bill Na hota bechara, kadam na hote awara.."
At that moment, Lewinsky, who was passing by, heard it and responded "Bill, Dhak dhak karne laga, mora jiyorra darne laga", And Bill, brimming with thrill, rushed and opened the door and realized he is the President of the USA.
So he paused and looked at her like Ajay Devgan from PTHHT. But Monica could hear Kumar Sanu's song, and said, "Dil-Bill, Pyar Wyar, Main kya janoo re"
He gazed into her eyes like Bobby Deol in Kareeb and sang "Chori Chori jab nazzare mili, chori chori jab Bill ne kaha, chori mein bhi hai mazaa!"
Then he pulled her into his office and thought of Aamir Khan in Ghulam -"Aankhon se tune ye kya keh diya, Bill ye diwana machalne laga.." Monica picked up the cue and replied like Rani Mukherjee - "yeh kya hua, pehle to aisa hota na tha..."
Bill then closed the door with a mischievious smile and sang "Hum tum ek kamre mein band hon aur chaabi kho jaaye..." The rest is history. The poor security guards outside could only hear the full throated song from Dil Se, "Bill se, Bill se Bill se, Bill to aakhir bill hain na..."
Monica met her best friend Linda Tripp and confessed about her affair - "Mera Bill bhi kitna pagal hai, pyar jo mujhse karta hai.."
Tripp recorded Monica's confessions and went to legal eagle Kenneth Starr with her cassette and screamed "Le gayee Bill, Lewinsky..paagal mujhe kar diya". Starr called Clinton and asked "Yeh kya hua, kaise hua kab hua..." But Bill cleverly interrupted and said "Oh chhodo, ye na poocho.." But Starr persisted and sang "Jhoot bole kowaa kaate.."
Now Bill was very angry with Monica and called her up.
Bill: Aye, kya bolti tu?
Monica: Aye, Kya main boloon..?
Bill: Sun
Monica: Suna
Bill: Kyon kiya ghotala?
Monica: Kya karoon, ho gayi thi kantala
Finally Clinton decided to tell Starr all, "Bill kya kare jab kisi se kisi ko pyaar ho jaye..."., to which Starr had a ready reply, "Aye Bill hai mushkil jeena yahan, jara bach ke, jara hat ke, yeh hai White House meri Jaan!"
Cut...Cut...Cut...!!
Bollywood Movies for IT Professionals
Movies and their meaning to IT Professionals:
Sajan Chale Sasural : Computer professional coming to US.
1942 a Love story : Sticking to one company for more than a year.
Dil to Pagal Hai : Staying in India, dreaming of US.
Sapnay : Green card.
Sadma : Rejected H-1(B) Visa.
Khalnayak : Bodyshoppers.
Deewana Mastana : Project Manager - Team Leader.
Beta : Home Phone bill exceeding $400pm.
Rakhwala : Project Manager.
Mr. Bechara : Computer professional in Singapore.
Zanjeer : Company bond.
Himmatwala : Breaking company bond.
Tohfa : H-4 Visa for your Wife.
Mawaali : Before coming to US.
Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman : Once you are in US.
Chaudhvin ka Chand : Assembly programmer.
Sahib Bibi aur Ghulam : Client, your company and you.
Shehanshah : Bill Gates.
Admi Sadak Ka : Jumping from company to company.
Dayawan : Company paying full salary in bench
Anari : Year2000 programmer.
Phool Aur Kaanten : Microsoft - IBM.
Aaj Ka Gunda Raaj : Microsoft Monopoly in IT market.
Maharaja : Doctors who came to US in 70's
Hairaan : Non-Computer professionals on seeing computer professional's pay-check.
Hum Aapke Hain Koun : Illegal Immigrants in US
Aur Pyar Ho Gaya : After staying in US for a Year.
Pardes : India after 2 Years.
Daud : Coming to US.
Rangeela : After getting Green Card.
Bahaar Aane Tak : Time period between Green Card and Citizenship.
Desh Premee : Going back to India for good
Farz : Going to India every year.
Pyaasa : Longing for a Visa.
Agneepath : Going to Madras Consulate for getting a Visa.
Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar : After coming from consulate with a Visa.
Bud Naseeb : Not getting a Visa
Himalaya Putra : Firmly asking for $70k from India
Elan-E-Jung : Asking for increment
Gupt : Agreement of Programmer with number of consultants
. Zakmee : After getting rejected twice for a Visa.
Swarg Se Sundar : on landing in US.
Ab Kya Hoga? : Applied for Green Card too late.
Jallad : INS People.
Kranti : Increase H-1 quota.
Main Khiladi Tu Anari : You and Immigration Officer
Sajan Chale Sasural : Computer professional coming to US.
1942 a Love story : Sticking to one company for more than a year.
Dil to Pagal Hai : Staying in India, dreaming of US.
Sapnay : Green card.
Sadma : Rejected H-1(B) Visa.
Khalnayak : Bodyshoppers.
Deewana Mastana : Project Manager - Team Leader.
Beta : Home Phone bill exceeding $400pm.
Rakhwala : Project Manager.
Mr. Bechara : Computer professional in Singapore.
Zanjeer : Company bond.
Himmatwala : Breaking company bond.
Tohfa : H-4 Visa for your Wife.
Mawaali : Before coming to US.
Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman : Once you are in US.
Chaudhvin ka Chand : Assembly programmer.
Sahib Bibi aur Ghulam : Client, your company and you.
Shehanshah : Bill Gates.
Admi Sadak Ka : Jumping from company to company.
Dayawan : Company paying full salary in bench
Anari : Year2000 programmer.
Phool Aur Kaanten : Microsoft - IBM.
Aaj Ka Gunda Raaj : Microsoft Monopoly in IT market.
Maharaja : Doctors who came to US in 70's
Hairaan : Non-Computer professionals on seeing computer professional's pay-check.
Hum Aapke Hain Koun : Illegal Immigrants in US
Aur Pyar Ho Gaya : After staying in US for a Year.
Pardes : India after 2 Years.
Daud : Coming to US.
Rangeela : After getting Green Card.
Bahaar Aane Tak : Time period between Green Card and Citizenship.
Desh Premee : Going back to India for good
Farz : Going to India every year.
Pyaasa : Longing for a Visa.
Agneepath : Going to Madras Consulate for getting a Visa.
Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar : After coming from consulate with a Visa.
Bud Naseeb : Not getting a Visa
Himalaya Putra : Firmly asking for $70k from India
Elan-E-Jung : Asking for increment
Gupt : Agreement of Programmer with number of consultants
. Zakmee : After getting rejected twice for a Visa.
Swarg Se Sundar : on landing in US.
Ab Kya Hoga? : Applied for Green Card too late.
Jallad : INS People.
Kranti : Increase H-1 quota.
Main Khiladi Tu Anari : You and Immigration Officer
Ek Waada
A boy and a girl loved each other,
Unfortunately d boy died. . . .
After death he said to the girl
“Ek waada tha tera har vade k peche,
TU milegi mujhe har darwaze k piche,
Par TU mujhe ruswa kar gayi,
Ek TU hi na thi mere janaze k peche”.
Itne mein lakdi ki awaz aayi,
She said . . . . .
Ek waada tha mera har waade k peche,
Mai milungi tujhe har darwaze k peche,
Par tune hi mud k na dekha,
Ek aur janaza tha tere janaze k peche……
Unfortunately d boy died. . . .
After death he said to the girl
“Ek waada tha tera har vade k peche,
TU milegi mujhe har darwaze k piche,
Par TU mujhe ruswa kar gayi,
Ek TU hi na thi mere janaze k peche”.
Itne mein lakdi ki awaz aayi,
She said . . . . .
Ek waada tha mera har waade k peche,
Mai milungi tujhe har darwaze k peche,
Par tune hi mud k na dekha,
Ek aur janaza tha tere janaze k peche……
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
