Sardar at Funeral

There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general balle balle' is on.

The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its a marriage baarat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach raheho?" ...... Comes the reply, "Ha ji ! Hai hi baat bade khushi ki !!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain* tumour se mara hai !!!!

Desi Music





Doubt about Mahabharata

In a remote village of India, once Masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the ‘Krishna janma’ part of it.

Masterji : “Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister’s 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning… Second one is born n Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born…

Ramu : I have a doubt (sounding nervous and confused).

Masterji : “Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata then how come you have one?”

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki’s 8th child was going to Kill him, “Why the hell did he put Vasudev and Devaki in the same cell?”

Masterji fainted.

Bollywood Actors




Shahrukh Khan… I am the BEST !!






Train me Sadhu

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT: Ticket hai?
Sadhu: Nahin
TT: Chalo
Sadhu: Kahan?
TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein



Ravan Went To A Disco

One day RAVAN went to disco... aur woh behosh ho gaya, guess why??

.....

.....

.....

.....

.....

Coz the entry fee was Rs. 1500 per HEAD...!!!

Bihar Driving License

DERIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON

NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.

He will give you the licen.

If you dot know how to fill ,copy from your phriend (dost)applikason.

For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.

1. Last name:

(_) Yadav (_) Sinha(_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dont no (Check karet box)

2. phust name:

(_) Ramprasad (_)Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dont no (Check karet box)

3. Age:

(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dont no (Check karet box)

4. Sex: ____ M _____(F) _____ not sure_____not applicable

5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right

6.Occupason :

(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_)House wife (_) Un-employed

(Check karet box)

7. Number of children libing in the household:_____________

8. Number thats are yourj__________

9. Mather Name:______________________

10. Pather Name:_____________________(IF NOT NO, LEABE BLANK)

11. Ejjucasion: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest kilass attended)

12. Dental Rekard:

(__) Ellow (__) Berownish-ellow (__) Berown (__) Belack (__) Other - ___________Give egjhakt color

(Check Karet Box)

13. Your thumb imparesson :__________________________ (If you are copying from another applikason pharom, pleage do not copy thumb impresssion also, pleage provide your own thumb impression.)

PLEAJE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

USE THUMB ON YOUR LEPHT HAND ONLY. iF YOU DONT HAVE LEPHT HAND, USE YOUR THUMB ON RIGHT HAND.iF YOU DO NOT HAVE RIGHT HAND, USE THUMB ON LEPHT HAND.

Note: IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DERIVE,

WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS


What happens if 1 rupee = 45 dollars

Scene 1

Venue : Microsoft Corporation, New York , US Some s/w engineers are seeing some photographs.

s/w engg 1 : What’s that?

s/w engg 2 : Bob’s photographs from India .

s/w engg 1 : Wow. Let me see. Which is this place?

s/w engg 3 : (Sees the photo) This is Himayatnagar, Hyderabad

s/w engg 1 : Fundoo yaar! And what is this? He got Bajaj Pulsar also.

s/w engg 2 : Let me see (sees). This guy enjoys life maan…

s/w engg 3 : You know how much an Bajaj Pulsar costs? Nearly 60K…..
Say it in dollars… (60000*45 = 27,00,000 dollars)

s/w engg 2: Oops. We can’t dream of such a thing here.



s/w engg 1 : Let’s go to India & try for a job.

[Everybody excited.]

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-

SCENE 2

Venue: Sun Microsystems, SanFrancisco , California, US

s/w engg 1: I’m with you man. My Visa is expected anytime. Soon I will fly to India

s/w engg 2: Ohhh…. When is the party?

s/w engg 1: When I get it on hand.

s/w engg 2: Where will you be working?

s/w engg 1 : I’ll be working in Amberpet

s/w engg 2 : Oh! Amberpet. Great yaar. where it is…

s/w engg 1 : It is in Hyd.

s/w engg 3 : Fundoo place yaar. Nice climate Not like California. You’ll love the weather yaar. One of my friends is

in Bhongir… He says it’s the ultimate place to live in. Cool maan.

s/w engg 2 : Who is the client yaar?

s/w engg 1: You know Municipal Corporation of Hyderabad ?

s/w engg 3 : Yeah. MCH. One of my friends is there in the Road Cleaning Division. Most challenging job yaar.

People are working in the cutting edge of technology there.

s/w engg 1 : I’ll be writing software for the accounts department of the GCU.

s/w engg 2: GCU? what it means…?

s/w engg 1 : that is Garbage Collecting Unit.

s/w engg 3 : : Great yaar. That’s what I like about that country. You can get a job which requires all your skill. Not

like here. See I’m writing software for the space shuttle remote control. I hate this.

s/w engg 1 : Don’t worry guys. I’ll give you my Hotmail id. You can send your resume to me and I’ll forward it to

the HRD.

[Everybody takes down his Hotmail id.]

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-

SCENE 3

Venue: IBM, New York, US

(Conversation between a Male s/w engg. and Female s/w engg.)

Male : Hi!

Female: Hi. You know. I’m planning to settle in India soon.

Male : What??

Female : Yeah. My marriage will be here in America only. He is doing his Ph.D in J.N.T.U and he’s coming here for

a month. His study will be over in 2 months. He’s already got a job in MSCB. We planned to settle in Hyd itself…

I’m also planning to work there. Let’s see…

Male: Good luck… dont forget us & US…

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-

SCENE 4

Venue: Intel Corp. US

s/w engg 1: Great news guys. Our George has got admission in the IGNOU with scholarship for B.A History. A
great new field yaar…

All are excited…

George : Got my Visa yesterday. It’s all finalized now.

s/w engg 2 : Congrats yaar. So you are out of this country.

s/w engg 1 : B.A in Histroy…ohh. ..man, enjoy your life there!!

s/w engg 2 :Got full aid, eh?

George : Yeah. Got the UGC scholarship That will be 1200 Rupees / year.

s/w engg 1 : Great. Enjoy.

s/w engg 2 : (Thinking loud): 1200 Indian Rupees…! that means 1200 * 45 = 54000 Dollars… with that amount I can

buy an three bed-room flat & a Mercedes here…!!!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -

SCENE 5

A foreigner working in Hyderabad as Software Engg gets a call from his Home ..

Father : What are you doing son ?

S/w Eng : Having breakfast ?

Father : what are you eating ?

S/w Eng: Coconut Sauce and Rice Bread i.e.,(Idli and Chutney)

Elephant Ride




Name of a Child

A Bihari was working in Mumbai, and did not meet his wife for four (4) years while his wife was in Patna ( Bihar).

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...

The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?"

The man explained, "If its the second neighbour who has taken care,then the name would be "DWIVEDI";

If it is the third neighbour then it would be "TRIVEDI",

If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be "CHATURVEDI" ;

If its the fifth neighbour then it would be "PANDEY"...

After listening to this, questions followed.

What if it is a mixture of neighbours?
"Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...

And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be "SHARMA"...

But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...

If she does not remember the name then?
"It is YAAD-AV"

But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?
Then it will be named "DOSHI"...

Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire?
Then he will be named "JOSHI"...

And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?....
"DESHPANDEY. "

Photo Session




Ek Haath se Gadi Chalana

Ek ladki apny boy friend k sath nai car main long drive par ja rahi thi. Achanak ladki kehnay lagi, “suno ! kya tum ek haath se gadi chala sakte ho ?”

“Kyun nahi” ,ladkay ne baday fakher se kaha.

Ladki ne aahista se kaha, “to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo.”

Insect In A Glass..

An insect falls into a mug of beer....

Englishman: Throws his mug away and walks out.

American: Takes the insect out and drinks the beer.

Chinese: Eats the insect and throws the beer away.

Indian: Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.

Pakistani: Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer. Relates the issue to Kashmir. Asks the Chinese for Military aid. Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer..

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...